Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
