I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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