Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
