Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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