I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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