he wants to bone in the snuggie
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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