I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
