so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
