4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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