I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
