I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
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