Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
