My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
