you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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