i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
