she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
