I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
