Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
