he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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