I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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