i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
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Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
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lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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