If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
