Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
