triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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