it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Panties = found
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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