He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
