he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
