Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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