So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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