why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
