She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I need water and some morals
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
