I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Did we literally take a cab across the street
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
