Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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