I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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