she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Randomize
