He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
