you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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