I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
