i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize