Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
