I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I feel like a drive thru vagina
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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