But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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