Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
