i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
