sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
