Quick, to the slutcave!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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