So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
