dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
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What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
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I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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