I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
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Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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