what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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