12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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