For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
