so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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