My first STD was from a foam party
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
