Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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