that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
