apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
