either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she peed on how many people?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
