i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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