hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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