Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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