It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
