and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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