Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
