either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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