so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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