yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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