He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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