Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
