i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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