What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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