look no pants
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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