I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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