Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
