That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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